No News Is…No Bad News

My surgeon called.  I passed the phone to my husband because I’ve learned from experience that when the doctor says anything other than “You’re absolutely fine!” I tend to start crying and stop listening.

 

He didn’t say I’m absolutely fine. But he didn’t say I’m not fine, either.  Apparently the biopsy was inconclusive. The cells in my lumpy lymph node are not normal, but he can’t tell whether or not they are malignant.  

 

This means I will have to have the lump surgically removed so that they can analyze it conclusively. It means we didn’t get the worst news, but neither did we get the good news we had been so desperately hoping for.  

 

I wish he had given us a date for the surgery, because the waiting is excruciating. In fact if it hasn’t been scheduled by Friday I might lose my mind.  In the mean time I’m trying really hard to focus on the chance that we still might get good news. (And the hope that I won’t have to wait forever to get it.)  That mostly keeps the fears at bay and stops me from screaming or crying.

 

 

Mostly.

 

 

Advertisements

4 Comments

Filed under Living with Breast Cancer

4 responses to “No News Is…No Bad News

  1. Jane Hall

    OMG… I’ve been anxiously waiting for you to post something… some kind of answer, Leanne. I truly still think this lump is nothing… our bodies are still trying to rebuild themselves… the chemo took everything away from us. Remember how careful we had to be to even avoid just a simple cold? I just think that we are going to have some “wonky parts” that re-build a bit differently.

    Remember… my girl friend went through all that and it was nothing… nothing at all! Just a freak reaction to stress. And it doesn’t help your body that you are stressing yourself out over this!!!

  2. Sandra

    Just know many are waiting with you in these excruciating moments and holding thumbs, sending good vibes and positive thoughts, and hoping very, very hard that it’s just a lump – which I am sure it is – and that your surgery will be booked by Friday latest. 😉

  3. Carol W.

    Leanne, I’m sorry. That’s just really crappy. Saying “stay positive” sounds so trite but at the same time, I believe it’s important…

  4. l.

    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for all the positive thoughts and words – keep ’em coming. Trite Schmite – I’ll take it!

    Luckily I have been super busy with work and totally exhausted which has made for a nice denial/distraction cocktail. When work slows down and I get some rest I might need to turn to other cocktails. But in the mean time thank you for helping me keep it in perspective and stay sane.

    l.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s