CT Scan: Waiting For Results

We’re still waiting for results of the CT scans.  We made it through the weekend — the rainy, stressful, anxiety-sodden weekend.  Friday was Complete Meltdown Day, as if there’s anything productive about sobbing on my bed and asking my husband (and the universe) “Why does it have to be this hard??”  Neither of them gave me a satisfactory answer. 

Saturday was Exhausted and Depressed Day, but by Sunday we had kind of found our groove of Denial and Distraction.  

Now we’re mostly in the Numb and Calm stage, with a little glimmer of Hopeful and Determined: today I woke up to a sunny day and found that I actually believe that whatever the CT scans show, we will just take it in stride as best we can and get on with the business of beating this horrible thing. 

Which is not to say that I’m done with crying and asking impossible questions of the universe and my husband, but for the moment, no news is simply no news.  For the moment, as far as I’m concerned the cancer hasn’t colonized any new bodily territories and the neck lumps haven’t pushed their evil lebensraum campaign too terribly far.  And that’s good enough to get me through one more night.

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6 Comments

Filed under Living with Breast Cancer

6 responses to “CT Scan: Waiting For Results

  1. Anita

    So sorry you had such a shitty weekend.

    The best advice I got regarding dealing with cancer was: deal with the now. Don’t think about the what ifs and the possible future, just deal with today. Easy to say, harder to do, but if you can, it helps tremendously.

    Just keep saying to yourself “Today I’m healthy.” That’s all any of us can count on anyway. And in case it helps, I’m sending you some cyber hugs and cancer-be-gone vibes.

  2. Sleepless in San Francisco

    Oh, wow! You are so amazingly strong – I don’t know how you do it!
    Many of us are facing difficult challenges these days and you have the biggest of all of us – and yet you go on putting it all in perspective so simply, so clearly… you are such inspiration to my life, thank you!

  3. Mary Lou

    Anita and Sleepless have said it all. You are a very strong women, most of us would have given up long ago and where would that have taken us? Not to put an extra burden on your shoulders but you are truly an inspiration to many.

  4. Sheila

    Ditto to all the above notes. I wonder if you realize how many of us out in “web-land” read your blog and cry with you, laugh with you, curse with you, pray for you and are truly inspired by you. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself and your (incredibly ferocious) battle with us. With so many people “out here” sending you strength and cancer-be-gone vibes (good one Anita!) you’ll beat the neck lumps too. *Hug*

  5. Duckie

    No matter how hard you find it, no matter what dark places you find yourself in, you’re never alone – our thoughts and love are with you from across the Pond.

  6. Clark

    We have never met but I know your father. I’ve been following your blog and find your vision on the situation spectacular. I’m doing what I can by putting up prayers for you nightly and wish you and your family all the best. Stay strong as you are an amazing woman!

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