At first when I began reading the comments to my last post (and getting e-mails and messages) I felt the comfort of it as something faintly glowing in the darkness, like an electric heater in an abyss. Then the compassion and kindness actually started to envelop me.  Now I’m kind of engulfed – but in warmth, not flames.

I’m frankly awed by so much raw emotion and all that big-heartedness coming at me from who knows how many different directions; everything converging in a place so full of empathy and love it’s humbling to find myself at the centre of it. Humbling and overwhelmingly comforting. It’s a strange sensation, watching a phenomenon of humanity at its best and then realizing you’re a part of it. I feel completely blessed, as blessed as someone with no religion and too much cancer could ever possibly feel. You all helped me to open at least one tightly shut eye and consider unfolding myself from the fetal position while I was free-falling into darkness, and for that I am hugely, immensely grateful.

Becasue it was quite a fall. I fell so swiftly into that darkness that I think I hit the bottom not with a splat so much as a bounce. Which would explain why I have the sensation that I’m already coming back up from the depths of despair. Not with anything near the same velocity as that with which I fell mind you, but the velocity is not the point, it’s the direction that counts: up.  

Along with reading your comments and e-mails and texts, I did some other things to help propel myself upwards: went to a salon and got my blonde hair back, escaped the city with my little family, ate chicken pot pie, drank champagne, and began formulating a plan of action…  It seems to be working.  I’m not falling anymore, I’m climbing back up. Slowly, stumbling, and in tatters perhaps, but up nonetheless.

And importantly, up or down, it’s been made absolutely clear to me that I’m not going anywhere all alone. So, if you’re coming with me, buckle up – this part could get a little bumpy.


Filed under Living with Breast Cancer

22 responses to “Thank-you

  1. Deb Alleyne

    I’m bringing tequila! Ya ready?

  2. Gwen

    Good for you, Leanne. Atta Girl!I’m buckling up with the rest of your team. But let’s all hope for a S-M-O-O-T-H ride. Bumps are not welcome, not in any shape of form. Right?

  3. Laura

    You are awesome! Your strength of spirit never fails to astound me. I don’t care how cheesey or overused this sentiment is, nothing else seems as fitting: You go, girl!

  4. Georg W.

    Way to go Leanne, you bask in the warmth of love we give to you freely I am so glad to hear there was a trampoline at the bottom for your bounce back up. I know we ALL, will be at the bottom to catch you and at the top to pull you out.

    More love flying your way.


  5. Lisa B.

    At the risk of sounding like the worst cliche EVER (and like a Bruce Springsteen song which is slightly more expected of me)…..At the end of the day it doesn’t matter where you are going, provided you have good company on the ride. You have some amazing company here — people you know and so many you’ve never even met. You say they inspire you, but it’s you who’ve inspired this community. Think we’re all buckled up for the journey.

  6. Sheila

    Lisa is so right, cliche or not. Buckling in here too. And still sending you prayers and healing energy strength and whatever else might possibly help!!

  7. angela

    I’m in, buckling up with everyone else!

  8. Julie

    I’m with you Leanne. Buckled up and ready for a ride. How many tickets do I need? Is it a 4 ticket or 5 ticket ride? And I’m ok with the bumps. I’ll throw my arms up and yell.
    Love, love, love you xxxooo.

  9. BH in Jackson Hole

    We are all here to keep the heater plugged in for as long as it takes…you can count on us.

  10. Lucy K.

    I’m jumping in with you, Leanne! I’ve always been with you – since you were a baby – and decided to board this train alongside you where I can get my hands on you. It’s heartwarming that you are feeling all the “white lightening” coming from these dear people because it all DOES make a difference. Here’s to lots more chicken pot pies, champagne and hugs.

  11. Andrew Giles

    I’m in.

    Go figure. 😉

  12. Andrew Giles

    You FUCKING ROCK BTW! Very, very impressed.

  13. Tess

    We are so happy to welcome you back Leanne!!! If there is anything we can do that will help in your journey please let us know.


  14. Andrea

    Leanne, you have my support and I am cheering for you from the west coast. I think your blog should be published, it would help so many young women battling this disease. Your blog has definitely given me the strength to make it through some pretty horrible days.

    Andrea 🙂

  15. Diane

    I’m strapped in and I’ve got my 8 coffees to go. We’re all fighting for you here, Leanne. Love you so much!

  16. Celia McBride

    And then the doctor said, “The cancer is just GONE.” This is your vision, Leanne. We heard you say it, we all believe it’s possible. Together we can make it a reality. Have faith.

  17. Hank

    Leanne, you are an inspiration to everyone on this planet. Any of us who may ever have to go through such an horrific challenge will look to you as an example of how to meet and overcome that challenge. Thank you for showing us how it can be done with courage, dignity, determination and unfailing class! Love always!


  18. Barry Martin

    Congrats Leanne. And thanks for helping people/us keep perspective.

  19. Jodi

    The cult of positivity could learn a thing or two from you. You rock. I whole heartedly believe in Leanne-power. In fact, I’d use it to power my house, my life, and the universe.


  20. Keri-Lyn

    I’m on board, but I have to sit in the front because I get carsick…;)

  21. michelle yee

    Holding on, hanging strong.

  22. Katie

    We are with you ALL the way. No question.

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