Crash

I crashed. Bed-ridden. Horizontal. Coughing pain, back pain, headaches, stomach pain, short of breath, no appetite, muscle spasms, weak, weak, weak… Just frightening and terrible.  

Helpless. Never alone, thank god. 

Angry: they let me get this way — they stopped trying to treat me.

Am coming out of it now, I think.  Was even out of bed for a couple of hours (almost) today, putting on a good show for Georgia.

Must rest and recover.  Must get some kind of treatment this week, some kind of help, from my oncologist.  And MUST be well enough to go to Detroit Thursday to meet with study doctor.

Must. Not. Give. Up.

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26 Comments

Filed under Living with Breast Cancer

26 responses to “Crash

  1. Duckie

    I’m right there with you.

  2. Gwen

    Hang in there, Leanne. I am so sorry things are so tough for you. It’s not surprising you crashed – you were exhausted. So don’t push it. Rest as much as you can prior to Thursday.

  3. Catherine

    You are never alone. You are in our thoughts and prayers. Big hugs being sent to you.

  4. Andrew Giles

    Hi sweetie! Just want you to know how much my heart goes out to you. You’re inspiring. Let me know if I can do anything? Big kiss! Xxoo

  5. Katie

    You are not alone. And you continue to be such a source of inspiration – your strength & determination are awe-inspiring. Rest up for Thursday.

  6. Tess

    Dear Leanne,

    We will be there with you on Thursday!! Hang tight.

    Sending Love Your Way,
    Tess&Derek

  7. diane

    Oh Leanne, you are so awesome! We send you love and energy. I’m heartbroken that you have to go through this, but am just awestruck at how you’re doing it.
    XXXXOOO
    Diane and Julian
    (and the rest of the family)

  8. Katie Osler

    What. If. It. Works? Hold on, hold on, hold on. Those four words are worth everything, yes?

  9. franny

    Time to rest now Leanne and gear up for Wednesday’s road trip and a new beginning. Sending love to you.
    franny and soph

  10. Aunty Carol

    Sending you positive energy, prayers and much love.

    AC

  11. shannon

    love you leanne
    Never giving up!
    love shannon xoxo

  12. Jodi Lastman

    Let it be (for now). You are the queen of being where you’re at in a given moment. Accepting it. And then moving on. Be exhausted, sick + tired. Then, back at it with all you’ve got. Of course your reserves are funning low, you’ve been going full throttle for a long time.

    Thinking of you and the motor city–which as far as I’m concerned is the most glorious, beautiful oasis of health and happiness on earth.

    Kisses.

  13. Sheila

    Sending you as much healing positive energy as you can receive Leanne, and many many prayers too. You don’t know me but I’m out here and pulling for you with all my heart and soul. Rest and gather your strength for the trip to Detroit on Thursday. Hang in there! (hug)
    Sheila

  14. Veronica Van Rooyen

    Leanne, the class, strength and beauty you carry while fighting this disease is so inspiring. Please know that I, also a survivor (and a woman who was in the Gattuso commercial with you), am praying for you, Beauty. I am putting every strong thought into willing you well enough to go to Detroit. Rest and stay strong!

    Hugs,
    Veronica

  15. Barb T.

    Focus on Thursday and the rest of us will send strength and energy to keep you going….xoxo

  16. Lejla H.

    Hang in there, my dear Leanne!

    I firmly believe your current state is not only cancer, but rather a combination of cancer, frustration due to lack of treatment and the medical system run-around, exhaustion from it all….it’s not easy, you had (and still do) deal with a great number of road blocks.

    But you are a fighter and you can beat this!

    Please don’t give up; but rather try to rest, please eat (very important!), re-build your energy levels and remain positive because you did so much to help yourself that you will now soon pick the fruits of your labour, i.e. you will get your treatment.

    We all hope that everything went well with your oncologist and the treatment options.

    We are here for you,

    Lejla + Johann

  17. Doona

    Tomorrow is a new day, Leanne. Keep on going.

    Close your eyes for a moment and feel those loving messages we are sending you.

    Get rested up for the next steps.

  18. Mary Lou

    Like everyone else, my strength and prayers I send to you. Get some rest and focus on Thursdays trip and the treatments that will follow.

  19. Georg W.

    Leanne, hold to your personal promise that no one knows about, but yourself. You will make it to the Motor City and get this new treatment.

    Jennifer (daughter) and I would still love to see you before you head to the States, on Thursday.

    Your crash is from all the long nights and internet hunting to find that trial, We all know that feeling all too well.

    Please get some rest for now so you can have a pleasant trip, to the Motor City.

    Jennifer says EAT, she also says, making a strawberry smoothie helps pick-up the spirit and you deserve that pick-up.

    Sending you our love, karma, healing energy and so much more.

    Love, hugs and kisses

    Georg and Jennifer W.

    Call us 905-792-0406
    ggwarkus@rogers.com

  20. Linda

    You are an incredible fighter Leanne! (That doesn’t mean you cannot have a break down from time to time). Hope you got some good rest & are gathering strength for the next battle in Detroit. I hope this treatment is the most efficient one ever invented & it just blast the cancer away for ever so you can go ahead and have that party we are all waiting for!!!!!
    Love
    Linda

  21. Shawn C

    As the poster says: Keep Calm and Carry On.

    You are an amazing fighter but even the best (and you are one of the best – Muhammad Ali wouldn’t stand a chance against you!) have to take a break between rounds in the fight. When you’re ready for the next round – stand back up and punch cancer in the eye!

    I love you and you are, and will always be, my hero sis.

    Now, eat something. Don’t make me come back over there with crummy eggs and the world’s worst club sandwich!

    S.

  22. Jen T

    I have been trying for 3 days to think of something inspiring to tell you and then as I read the other comments I realized this. You have touched so many different people (friends, family, strangers, sick, healthy) – you have inspired us, strengthened us, changed us…I can’t imagine anyone listening to your story has not begun to look at their own children, husbands, loved one’s in a new light. So now picture all of these people on a bleacher – some praying, some hoping, some wishing for you…but all of us cheering you on. Use us for strength. J

  23. Jenn

    never ever giving up. with you every day. xo

  24. Mandy

    Buttercup… We love you so much. So so very much my friend.

  25. Stacey

    Rest up Leanne and be strong for your trip and this next round of treatment. Sending you lots of love and strength. xoxo

  26. Terry Armstrong

    Dearest, most beautiful and wonderful friend

    As you face this most frightful situation, know that Rob, Bette and I send you our love and hope that, in some way, you will find the strength to get to Detroit and find a treatment that will give you the physical health to overcome the latest challenges. We love you and need you on our deck again this summer to enjoy and share a glass of wine, or two.

    You, Axel, Georgia and your mom are always in our thoughts.

    A tidal wave of love is sent to you.

    Rob, Bette and Terry

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